Archive for the ‘Communications’ Category

WAIT – Why Am I Talking?

Thursday, March 4th, 2010

I recently did a half-day communications workshop for the National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO) Greater Detroit Chapter.   When I asked the question, what value did you get out of today – WAIT was high on the list.

WAIT stands for “Why Am I Talking?”  It’s a reminder to, basically, shut up and listen.  Really listen.

We all have a tendency to be thinking of what we’re going to say next when the other person is talking, instead of trying to understand their point of view and their concerns.  It’s easy to understand how this can get you into trouble.

The really bad part is not only do we do that to other people, we do it to ourselves.  We don’t shut up long enough to really hear what’s going on inside our minds.  We’re thinking instead of all the things we have to do, all the things that could go wrong, what’s for dinner, what’s going on this weekend, etc. etc..

What we really all need to do is take some time on a regular basis and WAIT.  Shut up and listen to what’s really important with ourselves.   We need to really understand where we’re coming from and our own point of view. We owe as much courtesy to ourselves as we owe to others.   And in order to be able to really listen to others, we need to be able to listen to ourselves.

Practice this for a week or two, and you will be really surprised at what you may find out.  Dreams that you had all but forgotten.  Things that you thought were important really aren’t, and visa versa.  You may have been drowning out your hopes and desires for a long time.

So, this week – WAIT and let me know what you hear.

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The Power of Choice

Sunday, July 5th, 2009

The most liberating and powerful thing about being human is that we have the power to change.  We aren’t locked into the automatic responses to life that we developed as children.

Most of us didn’t grow up in a perfect environment where we got everything we needed to be successful, healthy self-reliant adults.  If we were lucky, we got most of what we needed and parents that weren’t perfect, made mistakes, but tried their best.  If we weren’t lucky, there’s all sorts of not so wonderful possibilities.

Most of us fall in the middle ground.  We got what we needed in some areas, but not others.  The challenge is to see what we didn’t get as a starting point, not a wall.   We can choose something different than what we started with.

For me it’s not just letting things go when issues come up in relationships.  That’s what I learned in my family growing up – that was the family dynamic.  Instead, I’m choosing to try and work through the issues constructively.  (Note the word constructively :-)   )

It’s hard and unpleasant, but the chances of a better relationship are much higher than if I just pretend everything is okay and nothing happened.   My marriage and my communication skills in business are much stronger for choosing this route.

How about you?  How will you choose differently now?

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The Golden Rule of Communicating

Monday, April 13th, 2009

Every time we talk to someone, we are training them how to talk to us.  It goes back to the Golden Rule – Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.   Think of this as the Golden Rule of Communications.  – Communicate to others what your expectations are.

Think of all the people you’ve talked to over the past few weeks.  What have they communicated to you.  Look for the underlying message whenever you talk to someone – what are the tone of their voice, their facial expressions, body language and speech patterns telling you?  Usually the words are the least important part of the message.

Now pay attention to your own communications.  If you were a complete stranger, how would you receive the messages you’re sending?  Even better ask 5 people this week  what their experience is of you.

Does it match the experience you want them to have?  Are your words consistent with your body language and tone?  It isn’t very effective to ask for a sale when your tone of voice says don’t buy from me, I’m a lousy salesperson.  It’s time to take responsibility for the message you send people.

How can you be more effective at communicating your intentions this week?

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Justice

Wednesday, March 25th, 2009

“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind”   – Mahatma Gandhi

This is one of my favorite quotes.  It really speaks to the trap that most of the world seems to be in today.  They do it to you, so you do it back.  It’s very easy to understand the emotions involved.  If someone killed or hurt my family, I’d want to hurt them back – hard.  And I’d want to do it personally.  It might give me  justice and short-term satisfaction, but it certainly would not lead anywhere but down.  It wouldn’t bring back my family, restore the pain in my soul or heal my grief.

And on a much less political scale, this quote speaks to the the pendulum swing the economy is in.  Many, many people made millions in the booms of the last 20 years, and many millions of people are now suffering as a result of that.  Punishing a few individuals won’t fix the holes in the regulatory system that allowed it to happen, nor will it restore jobs or homes to the people that have lost them.

Looking forward and asking what do we want are much more likely to produce results and healing  than justice.   We set high store by justice and fairness, but all they do is make sure everyone suffers.  Ask yourself what you really want to create the next time you want to give someone what they have coming.  Evaluate the people you elect on the basis of what they will create, not what they are against.   The more we stop worrying about concepts like fairness and justice, the better the world will be.  Justice can only destroy, not build.

It isn’t easy to set that anger aside and think about the future,  but it’s in your best interest and everyone else’s too.  Asking yourself  “What is my intention here?” or “What do I want to create?”  produces results.  In a business situation, asking what you want instead of what is fair is far more effective.

So what do you want to create?

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